Have you heard about the importance of values and you worry that you do not know what your values are? Do you sometimes feel like your life lacks meaning or purpose?
We sometimes may feel like our life lacks purpose or is filled with endless tasks. If you struggle with those feelings for some time, do not ignore them and consult your doctor as these feelings may also be related to depression.
However, if those feelings are often temporal and do not lead to experiencing a low mood for a prolonged period of time, living according to your values can often be an answer to why you may feel lost or stuck.
Let’s start with making a distinction between a goal and a value. A goal is a clear destination, something you may want to achieve in future for example, I would like to get a promotion at work or go to the gym every day. It can be ticked off once completed.
Values are principles you stand for. They are more long-term and they can form a compass guiding you through life. There is no particular destination to be reached, it can be seen as a journey that helps you choose what is important for you every day. They can change over time but they are generally more stable than goals.
While achieving a goal may be satisfying, values can give life meaning. You might have been in a situation before, where you were required to make a decision about something, but there were multiple pros and cons associated with each option. Making decisions based on your values can provide you with peace of mind they reflect your authentic self and what is important to you.
As we have already established, being aware of your values is crucial to your well-being. But how can you make sure you live according to your values?
The first step is to identify what those values are and how important they are to you. They can be areas in your life such as family, health, education, but also certain characteristics such as being a reliable friend or integrity and honesty.
What can help you determine them, is thinking about what you admire in other people:
What type of person they are?
Or you can ask yourself:
How would you like other people to describe you?
Then, you could determine how closely aligned your behaviour is in comparison to how important the value is to you. Some people find it helpful to assign a rating to both of these on a scale from 1 to 10 for each value. For example, you can rate that your social life and spending quality time with friends is important to you at 8/10, but currently, you can rate living according to this value at 5/10 because you had important projects at work and you realise you have not had a chance to catch up with your friends for a long time.
The closer those ratings are (between how important something is to you and how closely you live by this value) the higher the likelihood of you experiencing an improvement in your wellbeing. But of course, some people can describe the difference between those as a narrative rather than rating on a scale from 1 to 10, if that feels more useful.
If those ratings are significantly different, you can spend some time thinking about what type of activities or steps you can take to bring you closer to your desired rating. The more specific they are, the better, for example, I plan to call my friend tonight and suggest going out for lunch during the weekend. Also, even if those ratings are closely linked, you can still list activities you engage in daily that ensure this close alignment as you can always refer back to it, in case they change for any reason in future.
As a qualified CBT specialist, I found that reflecting on your values and taking some time to specify behaviours that help you live according to those values can be a very fulfilling exercise. It can help you be in touch with what is important to you and who you truly are outside of daily responsibilities and lists of tasks. It can also help to get through tough times especially when achieving a string of goals does not seem satisfying anymore.
What is important to remember is that those steps or activities that you can take towards your values do not need to be big or profound. Sometimes spending a few minutes taking a step forward can accumulate to your life being transformed.